Internet Dating: Navigating the Webscape of Romance for Newbies

Internet dating is here to stay, so if you have yet to explore its possibilities, you just might start considering it. I was more than hesitant about joining my friends online; I adamantly rejected the notion that I would ever meet a stranger who I was certain was a liar without knowing if there was chemistry between us. I also thought it was just plain pathetic. Honestly, I never willingly submitted to it all; trickery delivered me into its waiting arms. Ironically, I am the only one of my friends who can say that Internet dating panned out after all. I found my Internet prince without kissing a ton of frogs; my friends puckered up for amphibians. The difference was that my natural distrust of the unknown nurtured my slow approach and allowed me realize that the scene was no different than the "real world." In fact, the term Internet dating is not accurate at all; you meet someone online and exchange a few emails, but then you graduate to phone calls and face to face meetings. The dating is done offline and these people are no different than people are in any singles venue.

Through my experience, I gained some valuable knowledge that just might assist people who are contemplating trying their luck at finding the potential for romance online. Reflecting on my own initiation enabled me summarize the process into four steps. Sequentially moving through these four areas with a thoughtful and prepared mind are critical to achieving your goal whether that is simply having a great time with like minded individuals or the pursuit of something more long term. Reminding yourself to slow down should become an important mantra at each step because it will keep you from allowing the anonymity of the Internet give you courage (or ignorance, depending on how you look at it) you do not normally assert.

The first step in finding out if Internet dating is right for you is simply picking a site (or two) that matches your objective, and, to some extent, also agrees with your personality. I chose The Onion for a few reasons and only after I had spent at least two months lurking around numerous dating sites without making a commitment. One reason I selected The Onion was that it offers a free service with limited mobility and privileges for non-paying members, but a gratis service that allows you to determine if the site's members are your type of people. Additionally, I was attracted to the sites theme that I imagined created a somewhat efficient filter and would group me with individuals with more than seeking love in common. Most of its competitors with better known names were far too serious and much too cheesy for my tastes; in fact, they made me cringe, laugh, and blush for the desperate faces who seemed to be asking nicely for a lifelong mate in a manner suggesting a complete life was dependent on you entering the equation. Scared me!

What site site you choose is entirely up to you, The Onion was right for me and it partners with Nerve and Fast Cupid so that all three sites place members into one database of available dates. This triad works well and the pool is compiled of like-seeming individuals. Be patient while you navigate through the many sites offering this service, and snoop around before you fully commit to placing a profile, connecting with others, or spending your cash on membership fees; you'll be glad you did your homework and you'll have a better understanding of how to and not to present yourself. I waited another several months before I actually ascended the sites hierarchical structure with the purchase of a gold membership. In the end, it was money well spent, but not actually necessary. Men with gold memberships were doing all the work and I was getting by just fine with plebeian status.

The most difficult phase comes after you have selected a site; the second step requires you to decide on a name. As dreadful as the name stage is, I suggest you enjoy it because it's a piece of cake compared step 3 (but I'll get to that soon enough). The name phase is dependent on an ability to choose something that masks your real identity for safety reasons (among others) and that somehow manages to honestly describe you and what your looking for without sounding like a string of cliches (trust me, some do). I chose a name that was personally meaningful for me, obscure, and quite neutral. I liked the mystery and provocativeness of my alter ego, and it served a practical purpose because if men did their homework they could easily unravel the meaning and gain further insight into who I am. It was a great conversation piece without being too weird or having any connotative meanings for most people. I believe it was the perfect choice and made the impression I hoped to make. Be creative, and if you are looking for more than "a hookup" do not assume an overtly sexual persona because it will attract people whose goals do not likely match yours. I'm not a cutesy type of girl, but I consider myself intelligent and educated, and I wanted to meet someone with a similar academic background. Choosing a name that reflected advanced knowledge of a specialized area of study worked to support a favorable first impression. Be clever and never select a name referencing pop culture or intended to titillate others because it will likely make you appear foolish, not worthy of a second date, and not too clever. Take your time and get advice from others before you settle on an identity.

Writing your profile is like being forced to select an online name again and again and again. Step three is tough and clearly not a time to start slacking; each word counts toward creating an image that truly reflects who you are. Most sites have some sort of profile format that may cut you some slack by directing you through a series of questions or prompts. Notice I said "may cut you some slack" because for me it made the impossible somehow even more daunting. But, maybe you are fortunate enough to benefit from that assistance. Fortunately, my chosen site took a light approach by setting up answers to be humorous or ironic, so I took my time and was eventually satisfied with the textual me. Meanwhile, my friends prodded me to get going and laughed at my methodical approach, but I stayed my geek course and maintained my standards. Conveying my own quirky personality and humor was critical to meeting someone who would appreciate and share in my fun. Individuals who somehow lack a sense of humor frighten me for a number of reasons. Mostly, I just do not get them and I tend to stay away from them. As I lurked about invisibly and fine-tuned my profile, I also read tons of the same. It was great to just sift through profiles simply rejecting men who answered the questions literally or failed to grasp the comic undertones.

If you get stumped on a question, just move on and return to the toughie later. The Onion required certain responses before a profile would show, but many were allowed to remain blank until a later date or forever. When you have the option of going blank or providing a questionable response, always choose the former. My profile sort of evolved over time and I frequently updated and rewrote certain answers or sections until I was thoroughly satisfied. I suggest you do the same. Do not commit your words to screen if your unsure of what they say. Starting with the bare minimum is better than placing some ridiculous text out there and losing prospects as a result. I'll get to the photos but do remember that the written word is sometimes king on these sites, so be witty, intelligent, and confident and others will approach with the same. Also, never try too hard to be any of those things because that will backfire and sound unnatural; nobody wants to date a phony whose profile is stocked with too obscure ideas or words obviously lifted from a thesaurus. Be yourself, but be your best self!

You can opt to have a photoless profile on most sites, but would you consider dating or meeting someone who did not post a photo that appeared recent (style etc.) when you could just as easily select a date with a face? I know I would have never agreed to meet a person who omitted a photo; they are either married, seriously involved, or extremely unattractive. My issues with these types are simple; If you are seriously seeking romance then you want to avoid someone who is already committed, and there is something emotionally disturbing about an unattractive person whose denial of reality urges them to attempt deception of some sort. Personally, I never paused on photos of "10s" because I am simply not attracted to the best looking man in the room. However, I must admit that I offered several photos of myself that aimed likely scared some people off or gave me a dose of my own judgemental medicine. Eventually, I found a good balance of candid photos that showed laughter and huge smiles with a few that could be considered "picture perfect." One photo is very limiting, so I suggest placing no less than two. My rule was to never date a one photo guy; there is something "fishy" about a single photo that makes me wonder if it is perhaps a bogus pic. Another photo red flag are portrait types; professional photos are never good! No matter how one spins the tale of how it came to be, it sends a negative message that should be avoided. Common sense dictates that a photo of you and your ex doesn't really make sense, but they're out there and once I even went on a date with a couple photo guy, so I beg you to learn from my lapse in judgement and avoid either using or dating one of these types. Clearly, the photo is critical to assisting you in netting the right type of person and it's first impression power is even stronger than the online name or profile. Digital cameras make the task of finding the "perfect' pic a kinder process. Either ask a friend to help or set the auto function and start shooting. Eventually, you will find a few you like and then you can test them out making sure to use the most naturally flattering pic as your primary pic (i.e. the lure that prompts a desire to read and see more! .